Ms. Perfect Melancholy + Peaceful Phlegmatic

Alhamdulillah.. Subhanallah.. Allahuakhbar..

The whole week busy with me-time.. huhuhu.. hopefully tomorrow will be a good kick-start again.. Will be attending the workshop organized by IPS and PGA UMP.. Preparing for some speech as the master of ceremony for this program.. huhuhu.. If possible, I want to excuse myself from it..

Don't know why I can't focus on my work, so I just went through my job application at CAREER @ UMP.. Checking the progress.. but it is still pending.. however.. in one of the links, I found out the personality test.. so, I took it immediately (well.. I am the person who always love to take any personality test.. of course will not let this opportunity pass)..

Upon answering all questions, it turned out that this personality test is similar like I used to take it before.. the four temperament with scored obtained:

Perfect Melancholy : 15

Peaceful Phlegmatic : 13

Powerful Choleric : 8

Popular Sanguine : 5

These scored obtained were more or less similar to previous tests I had taken.. Again.. Perfect Melancholy is the highest score followed by Peaceful Phlegmatic.. What kind of personality associates with these types? I asked some help from Uncle Google.. So here is some sharing of what kind of person a Perfect Melancholy and Peaceful Phlegmatic is..

The Four Temperament page excellently explained who am I..  A Perfect Melancholy (PM) person plus A Peaceful Phlegmatic who is usually associated with these kind of personalities:

First and foremost: a Perfect Melancholic is of course a perfectionist.. (T_T).. PM are idealists who wish for things to be a certain way, and they get distressed when they are not. They hold themselves and others to unrealistically high standards, and get distressed when these standards are not met. This leads to them being self-deprecating - because they do not meet their own standards - and critical of others - because those others do not meet their standards.

PM wish to learn and to understand, to know the details of every little thing, because to be ignorant is to stray from perfection. They are not content to just accept things the way that they are. They are inquisitive and ask specific questions in order to come to a clearer understanding. This leads many of them to be over-analytical, neurotic worriers. PM are very stubborn, because they try very hard to stick to their own carefully considered views and standards of perfection, and are not easily shifted from this path. They do not go with the flow. They are tenacious and cannot let things go, because 'good enough' is not good enough. They strive for perfection. They are very pessimistic, and assume the worst due to these unrealistic standards.

They think and plan before they act; they are not the types who will resort to rash, impulsive behaviour, and will panic if they are unable to plan in advance. It's easier for them to reject and hate things than it is for them to love and embrace them. Their interests and tastes are picked carefully, and they give a lot of attention to each one, and hold them close to their hearts, rather than having many fleeting interests that change quickly and often.

PM complain a lot, in a 'whinging' kind of way rather than a 'put down' or 'demanding' kind of way. They tend to argue, because they cannot simply let things be if they seem wrong. They argue using reason, evidence, logic, and explanations, delivered analytically or with pleading. They only argue to set wrongs right, rather than to assert dominance. The argument is about the issue, not about them. They respond poorly to compliments, often 'rebutting' them by saying that they're not so great after all. "Wow, that's a really nice painting you just made!" "I don't know, the eyes are probably too big..." (rather than "Thanks!").

They will blame themselves for mistakes, because they are acutely aware of their own imperfection. They tend to prefer things to be tidy, organised in some way or another. This doesn't necessarily mean 'neat' as such; often they have very idiosyncratic organisation methods. They are idealists, who imagine perfect fantasies and feel upset when things don't live up to these fantasies. They prefer to tackle the heart of the matter, which can lead to them avoiding 'beating around the bush'.

PM are the most introverted of the temperaments in that they crave time alone, and are most at ease in their own company. They can enjoy spending time with others, but this drains their energy, and they need alone time in order to recharge. Much of their introversion comes from their perfectionism.

They are picky about the sorts of people that they associate with; people who meet their standards and share their outlook. People that don't will make them uncomfortable; they do not wish to talk to 'anyone and everyone'. Their self-deprecation also makes them think that they might not be very interesting anyway, that they aren't really worth spending time with, even if they know in the depths of their minds that they are very interesting indeed.  Once they have someone to talk to in a quiet and relaxed environment, they can talk a lot and will enjoy sharing thoughts and ideas. They are very wary of making friends. Unlike sanguines, it can take them a very long time for them to consider someone they're familiar with a 'friend', but once they've reached this point, they will likely stick with that person loyally.

PM prefer having a few close friends to many acquaintances. They can be seen as selfish, because they prefer to be alone with their thoughts, to have their own things, rather than sharing time or possessions socially with others. They are usually very possessive about the things that they own and are reluctant to let others borrow or use them, because they treat their own things well, care about everything deeply, and will worry that others will not look after them with the same level of care. They could be described as 'intense', rather than 'easy-going'.

Melancholics are very sensitive-emotional. They are moved deeply by beauty, and by distress. They are very easily hurt, because of their perfectionistic tendencies. Often their moods are like delicate glass sculptures; built up slowly, deliberately, and carefully, but easily broken, and hard to repair once shattered. They respond to things that they dislike with misery and with tears rather than with rage. They are very slow to 'snap', but will hold onto emotions for a very long time. They hold grudges, because people who have failed to meet their standards, who have hurt them, will not just suddenly meet those standards without changing drastically. (I am emotional, but towards family and very closed friends..)

They can become very 'moody', and they can be difficult to interact with because they are so easily hurt. They are not aggressive, and wish to flee from things that cause them distress. If they want to get back at another person, they are more likely to make them feel guilty than to insult them bluntly. They are 'thin-skinned'.

The melancholics in ancient age may have been the analysts, the information gatherers. They scouted for potential danger, or for food, and reported back to the pack leader. The more accurate their findings were, the better; this led to a trend towards perfectionism, as the 'analysts' closer to perfection survived better than those that made sloppy mistakes. In current society, PM often tend towards analytical roles such as scientists, analysts, programmers, logicians, and so on. In fantasy settings, they may be wizards or sages.

While for A Peaceful Phlegmatic (PP) are usually associated with these kind of personalities.. Meek, submissive introverts who live to please others. PP do not act as if they are better than others. They are eager to please, and quick to give in to others rather than asserting their own desires as if they're the most important. They take the path of least resistance whenever possible. They so desperately wish for peace, for everyone to get along, and to avoid conflict at all costs.

Conflict terrifies PP. They do not start it (except perhaps in extreme circumstances), or provoke it, and try to defuse it when it comes up. When forced into an argument, they get very upset and distressed, seeking escape rather than victory. If confronted, they are likely to admit that they are in the wrong in order to prevent hostilities. They don't believe that they know best.

They have no desire to be a 'winner'; they only wish for peace. They are well-behaved; rebelling against established rules would feel deeply uncomfortable to them. They're the sort who'd say, worriedly, 'should we really be doing this?' or 'we might get in trouble!'. They really, really do not wish to be a bother to others, and always put others first. This is due to a deep-rooted unease about asserting themselves rather than a lack of confidence, or a conscious desire to be a 'nice person'.

They are quick to apologise for any mistakes that they may have made, and will sacrifice their own happiness to ensure that others are happy. They are empathetic, and acutely aware of the feelings of those that they are interacting with, as they do not wish to hurt these feelings. They have tremendous difficulty saying no, and will go along with things that they dislike to make others happy.

They are extremely trustworthy; if they make a promise, it's very likely that they will keep it (in real life, maybe I am not a good-promise keeper.. huhuhu). PP terrified of doing things wrong. They will blame themselves if mistakes are made, even if it was someone else's fault, just to make others feel better and more at ease. They try and word things in a way that is not offensive to others. The will be more supportive than critical.

PP are indecisive. They'll defer to others to make choices, and will feel upset and pressured if they have to make a decision themselves; this comes from their inability to see themselves in a 'leader' role. They are natural followers, and work best when they are told what to do. Their language is generally full of uncertain phrases such as 'I think', 'maybe', 'perhaps', 'or something'. Compare "maybe you could do X, or something?" to "do X" or "you should do X". (previously this maybe a big yes, but now I can say that I have improved a lot.. maybe related with the personality traits of the first born in the family..)

Rather than saying or doing the wrong thing, they'll say or do nothing at all. Obstacles that get in the way of their steady path will cause them to halt and fumble around, not sure what to do. They're more likely to travel around than through it; their path is easily changed by others. (This also maybe not hundred percent correct.. I believe I am a risk-taker and I love to challenge myself.. I am also very stubborn (or better in better word - determine) to achieve what I want...)

same like PM.. PP are also introverted, and enjoy time alone. However, they are much 'nicer' and more friendly and social than the melancholic, as they're unburdened by 'perfectionism' and as such do not judge others.  They enjoy spending time with friends, and are very loyal to these friends, sticking with them through thick and thin, even through abuse. This is because they put others first, and will not leave another even if they want to because the other person may not want them to leave.

They are almost immune to anger. They have extremely long fuses, and will only snap after a long period of prolonged and persistent abuse. Even then, they're more likely to retreat within themselves and cry than to try to harm another. They like calm and steady lives, free of surprises. They can be relatively confident in familiar situations - if not necessarily assertive - but panic when placed in new ones. They do not seek thrills, and enjoy predictable, quiet, ritualistic lifestyles.

They are very quiet, and do not share their own inner thoughts readily, as they fear judgement and don't wish to bother others by waffling on about themselves. They are however excellent and attentive listeners, who will quietly and politely take in and absorb the conversations of their friends. They will always pay attention, and will offer supportive feedback rather than criticism or advice. They'd never say things like 'bored now', as if it's the duty of others to entertain them. (but those who are very close to me will see I am on the opposite.. I open up myself more, thus, showing my negative attitude such as being ignorance, being too outspoken and so on..)

Since they hate to offend or hurt others, they generally don't ever resort to aggressive insults or attacks. Belittling or hurting another makes them feel bad, not 'powerful and in control' or amused, so they'll worry about having done this accidentally. They could be described as 'nice girls' or, more horribly, 'doormats' by those with different temperaments (hopefully I'm not)..

They barely express emotion at all. While the sanguine might whoop and cheer and jump for joy at the slightest provocation, phlegmatics are unlikely to express more than a smile or a frown. Their emotions happen mainly internally. They lack 'passion', as their emotions are mostly internal. They often rely on others ordering them to do things to get motivation.

In the past, the PP might have been the obedient followers who'd get much of the actual work done at the command of their superiors. They may not stand out, but without them, nothing would work. They are the cooks, the cleaners, the quiet office drones, the red-shirts, the white mages.

Comparing both temperament.. PM and PP are really introverted person.. They are reserved.. have "slow reaction" in terms of getting angry and snapping.. both also have very low self-esteem and are pessimist.. but on the other hand, scoring both PM and PP shows a balance emotional personality - since PM are more emotional in nature while PP are calm and peaceful..

More to read at:

http://temperaments.fighunter.com/?page=comparison
http://www.kerrijokala.com/understanding-personalities-perfect-melancholy
https://www.womenbygrace.com/christian-life/melancholy-personality-type/

More or less.. above "copy pasted" and some other links literally explained what kind of person Nazmy Zaki is..  We have proverb in Bahasa where it said, "Tak kenal, maka tak cinta.." or translated to be "If you don't know me, you will not love me.." x.o.x.o 😇😇😇

p/s: you may think I am maybe different from what stated above.. overall.. I am human.. Human being is very dynamic and relative.. At what time I maybe nice, but another time I maybe so harsh.. Sorry for all my misbehaves.. huhuhu

Kerinduan yang Tak Terubat II

Ini kisah abah.. Abah telah lama diuji dengan sakitnya.. sejak enam ke tujuh tahun yang lepas.. Tahun 2010, abah mengalami bengkak di tulang telinga.. Pembedahan penuh dijalankan pada tahun 2011 iaitu saat aku di semester akhir degree.. Sumpah.. Aku langsung tidak tahu berkenaan dengan pembedahan ini kerana di kala itu aku di musim peperiksaan dan hanya setelah aku pulang, abah menunjukkan belakang telinganya yang dibedah hampir 8-10 cm untuk membuang isi yang membengkak tersebut.. Sebulan ke dua bulan selepas pembedahan, pihak HSNZ telah menghubungi abah memaklumkan satu berita yang amat menakutkan iaitu 'ABAH PENGHIDAP PENYAKIT KANSER TULANG TELINGA'.. Ya Allah.. Ya Allah.. Ya Allah..

Bermula sejak itu, pelbagai cara dan ikhtiar yang abah lakukan untuk mengubati penyakitnya.. Sebutlah segala macam ubat.. segala macam penawar.. segala amalan, doa dan zikir serta doa-doa daripada alim ulama yang telah abah usahakan.. Ke seluruh pelusuk negeri malah melawat negara jiran untuk mencari kaedah perawatan penyakit kanser tersebut.. Apa jua petua yang diberikan abah cuba.. kepahitan ubat, daun kayu dan akarnya terasa manis oleh abah.. Pernah sekali aku terminum air dalam bekas cawan ubat abah.. Ya Allah.. memang pahit yang tak dapat digambarkan..

Tahun 2014.. ketika itu, aku sedang dalam program pertukaran pelajar di Universitas Gadjah Mada.. Abah telah membuat keputusan untuk menjalani sesi kimoterapi.. Aku mengambil teket penerbangan pulang ke Malaysia dan bersama-sama ma dan adik menemani abah untuk sesi pertamanya.. Enam sesi kesemuanya.. bermula sesi ke empat.. fizikal abah semakin berubah.. seluruh muka dan tubuh abah pucat.. seluruh rambut abah luruh.. abah muntah-muntah..

Alhamdulillah.. Allah kurniakan abah kesabaran dan ketabahan.. Abah kembali kuat sedikit demi sedikit.. Namun aidilfitri 2015.. pagi raya.. fizikal abah tampak perubahan yang amat ketara.. tulang pipi abah membengkak.. Bulan Oktober tahun ini.. dalam perjalanan pulang dari menghadiri sesi konvokesyen adikku yang ketiga.. abah akhirnya telah memberitahu kami satu kenyataan yang kami seboleh mungkin ingin nafikan.. Abah sebenarnya sudah lama disahkan penghidap kanser tahap 4.. Ya Allah.. Kata abah.. Dr menyatakan kemungkinan besar selalunya di peringkat ini pesakit hanya mampu bertahan sekitar dua ke tiga tahun.. Abah kerap turun menjalani medical check up di IKN.. Dr menyarankan agar abah menjalani sesi radioterapi..

Namun.. alhamdulillah.. dengan izin Allah.. berbekalkan semangat dan kepercayaan abah yang tinggi terhadap apa jua yang Allah telah tetapkan.. abah masih mampu bertahan sehingga hampir tujuh tahun..

Tahun 2016 aku telah dilantik menjadi salah seorang jawatankuasa tertinggi persatuan siswazah UMP.. segala mutiara kata dan perkongsian telah abah berikan terutamanya dalam bab pengurusan dan perhubungan sesama manusia.. Kata abah kepadaku.. along banyak ambil sikap dan peribadi abah.. moga benarlah apa yang abah lafazkan.. moga segala perbuatan baik yang aku lakukan dicatatkan saham akhirat ke atas abah.. Ogos 2016... satu gambar kenangan membuatkan aku menangis sedih.. saat ini, abah menghadiri majlis penganugerahan pangkat kepada adikku.. Abah nampak tersangat-sangat sakit dan lemah..

Pada waktu ini dan hingga ke saat abah di masukkan ke hospital di hujung-hujung usianya, aku amat mendoakan agar Allah memberi peluang dan ruang kepada abah untuk sembuh dari sakitnya atau sekurang-kurangnya dikurangkan kesakitan agar kami masih bersama sehingga 2018.. tinggi impianku agar aku berjaya menamatkan PhD dan membawa ma dan abah menunaikan umrah bersama-sama.. Namun, kita hanya mampu merancang..

Tahun 2017 adalah tahun yang memeritkan bagi kami sekeluarga.. berat badan abah semakin menyusut.. Dr menyarankan agar abah membuat keputusan segera untuk menjalani sesi radioterapi.. Namun abah masih tidak mahu mengambil risiko tersebut.. Tahun ini aku kerap pulang ke rumah kerana abah sentiasa menelefon menyuruhku pulang.. April 2017 abah makin sakit berat.. sebulan abah tidak mampu berdiri dengan sendiri dan kepala abah pening berpusing..

Alhamdulillah.. Allah masih memberi abah ruang masa yang sedikit.. Abah kembali okay.. Solat aidiltri, abah membacakan doa dan membuat perkongsian.. Aidilfitri kali ini, abah menampakkan dirinya yang sangat sihat, ceria dan gembira menyambut tetamu-tetamu yang hadir.. Abah menjadi seorang yang banyak bercakap.. Sentiasa berkongsi segala apa yang terlintas di fikirannya.. sehingga menimbulkan satu kepelikan kepada kami sekeluarga..

Ma dan kami adik-beradik sampai ke satu tahap menyuruh abah berehat dan berdiam kerana abah nampak "sakit".. Namun, abah tetap bercakap dan bercakap.. Antara yang paling kerap abah ceritakan kepada tetamu adalah kisah di mana kata abah "Allah tidak akan memberi ujian yang lebih berat daripada derita ujian Nabi Ayub alaihissalam.. yang menderita sakit selama tujuh tahun dan ditinggalkan anak isteri.." kata abah lagi "tahun ini mungkin penentu.. sekiranya Allah sembuhkan, maka Allah akan sembuhkan semuanya.. dan sebaliknya.."

Abah kekadang bercerita kepada anak kecil seolah-olah sedang bercakap dengan seorang dewasa.. Abah juga menegur sedara mara segala perkara yang dirasakan patut ditegurnya.. Aku mewakili arwah abah ingin memohon maaf kepada semua pihak yang mana mungkin terguris perasaan dan terasa dengan butir-butir kata dari abah.. Kekadang abah bercakap tanpa butiran yang jelas.. Aku kerapkali menyatakan kepada ma dan adik-adikku bahawa mungkin sel kanser telah merebak ke otak abah..

Julai.. Abah kembali tidak mampu berdiri seperti bulan April yang lalu.. namun kali ini, semakin tenat.. Abah sakit tanpa dapat membezakan siang dan malam.. tanpa dapat mengira waktu solat.. Jam baru 7 pagi tetapi abah ingin menunaikan solat zohor.. abah terbaring tanpa dapat bangun sekiranya tiada kami memanggungnya..  Imbangan badan abah hilang.. abah solat duduk.. abah lupa belum menunaikan solat fardu tetapi abah solat sunat yang lain.. Setiap kali tersedar, abah pasti ingin menunaikan solat..

3 Ogos.. abah telah meminta tolong bapa saudara kami membawanya ke IKN kerana keadaan kesihatan yang semakin buruk.. Dr menyuruh kami berbincang untuk menjalani sesi radioterapi.. kata Dr risiko tersangat tinggi.. amat jarang kes sedemikian berlaku.. Selalunya pesakit yang menerima rawatan ini adalah dari paras dada ke bawah.. Disebabkan abah di bahagian telinga, Dr bimbang akan segala kemungkinan.. Jika terkena pada mata, maka butalah.. Jika terkena bahagian otak, maka abah kemungkinan akan lumpuh dan mungkin juga kematian.. Dr meminta kami berbincang dan membuat keputusan.. Sesi baru pertemuan di tetapkan pada 26/27 haribulan..


Dalam keadaan sakit.. 11 Ogos... abah meminta kami menghantarnya ke rumah tok.. tok akan ke Mekah esok harinya.. Ya Allah.. dengan bersusah payah.. kain pelikat yang dipakai abah tidak seperti kebiasaan.. kami perlu mengikatnya.. berat abah turun teramat banyak lebih 20kg.. Kopiah yang selalu abah pakai menjadi sangat besar dan longgar.. Aku dan adikku memapah abah ke rumah tok.. Kesemua kami sanak saudara menangis apabila abah tidur di sebelah tok, memohon maaf segalanya.. Ya Allah... saat ini.. kerapkali abah memanggilku.. Along.. Ainn.. ain.. Ya Allah.. Ya Allah.. Along sayang abah..


17 Ogos, abah dimasukkan ke wad HSNZ untuk rawatan kerana keadaan tubuh badan abah yang sangat lemah.. Kata ma dan adik-adikku.. Abah muntah darah.. Dr ingin membuat pemeriksaan bimbang sekiranya berlaku pendarahan dalaman.. 18/08 tahun Jumaat malam.. Abah semakin tidak stabil dan dalam keadaan separa sedar..  Setelah diperiksa.. Dr mengesahkan sel kanser sudah merebak ke otak.. Ya Allah.. Tiada siapa yang mampu menghalang takdir-Mu.. Sabtu 19/08/2017 jam 12:34 menurut perkiraan Dr, abah telah disahkan meninggal dunia..

Pergilah abah.. Allah telah mengangkat segala kesakitan abah di dunia ini.. Allah telah memberikan jawapan yang terbaik bagi doa-doa yang dipanjangkan untuk abah.. Terima kasih yang tidak terhingga buat semua yang telah mendoakan kebahagian dan kesejahteraan abah di dunia dan akhirat.. Terima kasih atas segala sumbangan yang diberikan.. Sekiranya ada hutang abah di dunia, mohon disampaikan kepada kami untuk dilangsaikan.. Sekiranya ada salah dan silap abah, kami dengan rendah hati memohon agar dimaafkan dan diredhakan..

Kerinduan yang Tak Terubat I

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal..

Semalam dan harini amat terasa kesayuan dan kesedihan.. Rindu yang teramat.. Sebuah kerinduan pada kehilangan yang tak mungkin terubat walau dihadirkan semua jasad yang masih bernyawa di dunia ini.. Hari ini, 3/10/2017.. Hari lahirku yang ke 29 dan pertama kalinya dilalui tanpa abah di sisi.. Hari ini genaplah 46 hari abah telah pergi mengadap Illahi.. Pemergian yang sudah dijanjikan...

Aku tidak diberikan kesempatan oleh Allah untuk berada di sisi abah saat abah menghembuskan nafasnya yang terakhir.. Kali terakhir aku memandang wajah abah dalam keadaan sedarnya adalah pada hari Ahad 13 Ogos yang lalu.. Aku terpaksa pulang ke UMP sebentar setelah sekian lama berada di rumah.. Pulangku kerana abah memang tidak larat untuk bangun dan kami terpaksa memapah abah.. Pulangku kerana Dr di Institut Kanser Negara menyuruh abah berbincang bersama ahli keluarga untuk menjalani sesi radioterapi.. Kata abah.. risiko amat tinggi.. Aku ingat lagi.. waktu itu aku di sisi abah.. abah tanya.. "Along rasa macam mana kalau abah nak buat radioterapi ini?" Apa yang mampu kujawab hanyalah "Ikut abahlah.. Kalau abah rasa abah nak buat, abah buatlah.." menurut abah.. "Abah nak buat.. sakit sangat ni long.. sakit.. In shaa Allah ikhtiar buatlah cara terakhir.. serah pada Allah.."

Dua kali sebelum bertolak pulang ke UMP Ahad tersebut.. aku menyalami tangan abah dan mencium pipinya memohon restu perjalanan.. Telah kubelikan bubur ayam McD sekiranya abah ingin makan kerana sudah hampir berminggu abah cuma minum susu beserta madu.. Ya Allah.. andai kutahu saat itu adalah kali terakhir aku bersama abah.. tidak sesekali aku melangkah pergi.. ya Allahh... Engkaulah yang Maha Mengetahui segala yang tersirat dan tersembunyi.. Sehari sebelum pulang ke UMP.. aku menangis pada pagi tersebut kerana ketika aku membawa susu dan air untuk ubat abah.. kata abah kepadaku.. "Abah redha dan puas hati semua dah along dan adik-adik jaga abah.." Ya Allahhh.. sungguh aku menangis dan aku hanya diam dan cuma berkata.. "Takpe lah bah.. Abah rehat dah lah.." dan terus berjalan ke dapur.. Ya Allahh.. Ya Allah..

Sekitar Selasa dan Rabu, abah menelefon bertanyakan bilakah aku akan pulang.. Masa itu aku sedang memandu perjalanan pulang dari KL.. Telah ku beritahu abah bahawa aku akan pulang hari Sabtu petang kerana Sabtu tersebut aku telah mendaftarkan diri sebagai seorang fasi.. Ketentuan Allah..  Rancangannya ingin ke IKN untuk sesi radioterapi abah pada 27 Ogos.. Disebabkan terlalu sakit.. abah meminta ma menelefon pihak IKN untuk mengawalkan pertemuan.. Atas nasihat Dr, abah diminta rujuk ke HSNZ untuk mendapatkan khidmat ambulans.. Namun Dr menyarankan untuk abah dimasukkan ke wad HSNZ terlebih dahulu kerana Dr ingin memasukkan air.. Tubuh abah terlalu lemah.. Khamis.. dan Jumaat keadaan abah semakin lemah..

Ingin aku terus pulang.. tetapi disebabkan janji untuk menjadi fasi beserta menolong membawa dua lagi fasi yang lain ke sekolah terpaksa aku kotakan.. Pagi Sabtu tersebut.. Aku menghantar fasi-fasi tersebut dan berjumpa dengan lecturer untuk memohon kebenaran pulang awal.. Telah kukhabarkan berita abah dan beliau terus menyuruh aku pulang.. Terima kasih pada teman-teman seperjuangan yang telah bersusah-payah membantu mengepos motorsikal dan menyuruh aku pulang dengan segera..

Perjalanan yang sayu dan sunyi.. Emosi terganggu.. Lebih kurang di Persimpangan Ajil.. Adikku menelefon bertanyakan duduk tempatku.. Katanya singgah rumah ambil Ma dan dia untuk bersama-sama ke hospital.. Ya Allah.. sekitar jam 11:30.. aku tiba di rumah dan saat kami berlengah-lengah.. Aku menerima lagi telefon daripada adikku yang berada disisi abah di hospital menyuruh kami bersegera.. Tiba di parking hospital.. sekali lagi adikku menelefon.. Aku turunkan ma dan adik di lobi hospital dan mencari parking..

Tanggal 19 Ogos 2017.. tarikh dan detik yang selamanya akan berada dalam ingatan.. saat pertama kali terpandang abah di atas katil hospital tanpa sebarang pergerakan di dada.. Jujur.. saat itu kalau diikutkan perasaan aku hampir meraung.. Ya Allah.. Engkau telah meletakkan diriku dalam keadaan rasional.. Ya Allahhh.. Ya Allah.. Ya Allah.. Dari Kamu kami datang, kepada Kamu kami dikembalikan.. Segala sesuatu yang terjadi adalah tersimpan hikmah-Mu..

Ya Allah.. Engkau telah kurniakan ketenangan fikiran dan perasaan kepadaku.. Aku terima dengan redha pemergian abah kerana itu sudah satu ketentuan.. Hanya Engkau yang Maha Mengetahui setiap sesuatu yang nyata dan ghaib.. Pihak hospital bertanyakan samada pengurusan jenazah ingin di lakukan di hospital atau di rumah.. Sepakat kami nyatakan buat di rumah saja.. Aku pulang ke rumah bersama adik dan melihat rumah telah diatur oleh sedara-mara dan ahli kariah kampung kami..

Sekitar selepas zohor.. jenazah abah di bawa pulang ke rumah.. kami adik-beradik sama-sama memandikan jasad abah yang terbujur kaku... Ya Allah.. Ya Allahh.. Ya Allah.. kerana insan inilah lahirnya kami.. Dia telah mendidik kami, memelihara kami, mengasihi kami sejak kami kecil sehingga kini, yang telah melakukan segala setiap sesuatu untuk memastikan adik-adikku dan diriku seperti hari ini.. Insan ini kini telah pergi.. Semoga Engkau mengampuni segala dosa-dosa insan ini dan rahmatilah dia sebagaimana dia mengasihi kami sewaktu kecil kami.. Ustaz yang membantu memandikan abah menyatakan pengurusan jasad abah amatlah mudah.. langsung tiada najis dan kotoran.. kata adikku kerana abah dah lama tidak makan berat..

Jenazah abah disolatkan buat kali yang terakhirnya di masjid kampungku.. Abah yang merupakan imam kampung, jurunikah dan seorang guru membuktikan betapa jasanya amat dikenang dan dihargai... Ramai penuh sesak sahabat-sahabat abah dan anak-anak muridnya serta orang ramai yang hadir.. Segala urusan dipermudahkan oleh Allah.. Sekitar jam 6:30 segala urusan pengkebumian telah selesai..

Antara gambar-gambar akhir abah yang paling sempurna wajahnya.. sejak ailditri tahun tersebut, telinga abah semakin membengkak dan mengubah paras rupa abah.. Damailah abah di sana.. tenanglah abah di sana.. kami juga bakal menyusuli tidak lama lagi.. Moga kita bertemu kembali.. saat-saat akhir aku bersama abah.. abah juga sering kata.. abah sentiasa doa agar kita semua ditempatkan bersama-sama di satu taman syurga.. Ya Allah.. Ya Allah..

"Ya Allah.. 
Engkau ampunilah abah kami.. kasihanilah dia dan sejahterakanlah dia.. 

Ampunkanlah segala dosa-dosa dan kesalahannya..

Ya Allah.. Engkau muliakanlah kedatangan dan kedudukannya.. 

Lapangkanlah kuburnya dan bersihkanlah dia dengan air salju dan dingin..

Bersihkanlah dia dari segala dosa dan kesalahan..

sebagaimana kain putih yang bersih dari segala kotoran..

Ya Allah.. Engkau tempatkanlah abah kami bersama-sama dengan 
golongan mereka yang beriman dan beramal soleh.."

Ya Allah.. Aku insan hina yang penuh dengan dosa.. Namun.. Ya Allah.. Berikanlah aku hidayah-Mu, rahmat-Mu dan keampunan-Mu.. Semoga aku juga bakal menyusuli abah dalam husnul khatimah.. Semoga kami semua ditempatkan di satu taman bersama-sama dalam golongan yang beriman dan beramal soleh.. Semoga kami diberi peluang berjumpa dengan Kekasih-Mu.. Ya Allah.. Jauhkanlah kami daripada azab kubur-Mu dan janganlah Engkau memalingkan muka-Mu daripada kami.. Ya Allah hanya kepada-Mu kami meminta dan memohon pertolongan.. Engkau tetapkanlah kami di dalam Iman dan matikan kami di dalam iman.. Aminn ya Allah.. Aminn ya rabbal alamin... 

Kind Words Echo

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Finding the mood to continue writing.. But really can't tune in my brain to that so called technical write up, so me trying to write up the new post for My World of Wisdom.. hurm.. what should I write.. Can't figure out the right title or theme yet.. Let's me just write and see what shall I share for MyWow..

Last few days ago, 26 and 27 of July, I had attended the Postgraduate Research Colloquium organized by our faculty.. Faculty of Industrial  Management (FIM).. On day one, the guest speaker, Dr Teo Bee Yap had given a very inspiring talk.. Dr Teo is the Executive Director of Skynet.. He already obtained a PhD and currently is undertaking another doctoral study for Islamic Finance.. He shared his life journey of persevering education to become who he is now.. Too many inspiring words that he shared and among some words of wisdom are:

"Education is life-long journey. It is always part of our life. 

Enhance your value by continuous learning. 

Set the long term goals (3-5 years), set milestones, review the goals weekly. 

Keep challenging yourself..! Don't stay in your comfort zone.

Always feel that you have not achieve something. 

Be "unhappy" with your current achievement. 

Thus, it will force you to keep on learning..

Be expert in area of interest.

Be ready for the opportunity. Keep on doing "research".

The only thing that enable us to achieve everything in our life is:

be willing to change..! and one of the most crucial thing is

know yourself..! Know your own strengths and weaknesses.."

Thank you so much Dr Teo for these words of wisdom.. actually there were many other sessions during the colloquium, but too many to include it here. So maybe in another entry.. For this post, I would like to highlight the theme of "Know Yourself"..

How to know our own self? There are various ways to get to know our self better.. One of the way is to carry out psychology tests.. There are lot of free tests and paid tests that we can take.. It gives us the marks and percentage of which group we are in or what personality type we are, so on and so forth..  Another way is to meet the counselor or psychologist themselves. These professionals study and are being trained specifically to handle "human being". Thus, having an appointment with them will give us direct consultation on who we are and how can we change our self for becoming better..

As for me, I used to have my own style of asking people around me about who am I and what kind of person I am to them.. Since my younger age, I used to keep a "biodata" book which friends and relatives wrote inside it (I still keep them till now).. during my secondary school, as a school prefect, we used to conduct activities and so on. This was the first time ever, when I requested my friends or juniors to write a personal evaluation about me anonymously.. Since then, I used to do it and keep on reviewing the comments.. Some parts I had changed a lot, but some parts are still the common comments I received. Especially on being introvert, timid, shy and nervous person.. Among others are being "stone-heart", strict, fierce, arrogant and so on.. 

The latest comments I received are from this early year when I requested my PGA family and some of new friends at UMP to give their feedback and evaluation about myself. There are few comments that really make my days.. and I keep on reading them occasionally to boost up my self-esteem.. These comments are: 

"For my opinion, you have a very good spirit and your attitude reflects your wonderful personality, and same goes to your skills and capabilities. Honestly, I impressed with your ability to manage all PGA without any conflict with any person among PGA.."

"Perfect, adorable, always a smiley face makes you beautiful. To be honest everything is complete, specially your smile.."

"You are calm and you always smile. You are also cautious and thoughtful.."

"Good in manner, great personality, awesome to be friend with. You are the best in the way you are, keep being yourself.."

😍😍😍 I truly thank you so much Mr@Ms Anonymous for these kind words.. ya.. there are few others more, but these comments are among the most nicest comments I received. Because, it really against what I used to be.. I am totally imperfect and I always pray that I will really become a calm person instead of having nervous breakdown.. Even at the moment, I really have hard time to manage good relationship with others.. 

but really.. kind words echo.. It really makes my day when I feel a little bit stumbled in my journey.. (as of right now..).. Nevertheless, I wish that every people I had encountered with, will encounter and currently engaged with have a slightly positive thought about myself (even just a word). This is because my father always said that if 40 people who are really close to us, keep on saying that we are good and kind people, then, yes, it is a prayer that we are really belong to a group of good and kind people and that we will be one of them.. aminn ya rabbal alamin..

It is almost 3 am.. have to finish my entry write up.. My "lonjakan strategik" report is waiting.. huhuhu.. Just in case, you are reading my personal sharing in My World of Wisdom.. herewith I enclosed the link for you to give your personal evaluation about myself. Feel free to write anything you want coz it really is anonymous.. For your honesty and fair evaluation, I am genuinely thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.. 

👉👉👉"Nazmy's Personal Evaluation"👈👈👈

A Friend for Nazmy is..

"Friend is Family"

A true friendship doesn't need daily conversation. It does not assume the worst, even when communication is lacking. Strong friendships survive the storms of this life because they believe the best about each other. As long as the friendship lives in the heart, true friends will never part.. (by anonymous)

Just like a family.. Sometimes (maybe most of the time), I rarely texted my blood-related brother or sister to ask how are they, what they are doing, so on and so forth.. yet, I know that they are always there for me.. every minute and every second.. thus, who are friends? Friend is family..

We are all one big family.. The Almighty Allah has created us in all kind of races, from all sorts of life, from all walks of life.. so that, we can get to know each other and keep on living this worldly life in harmony.. Life is short and it is only the place to grow up the 'crops' that we will harvest in the life hereafter..

Thus, I always try to make more and more friends.. Trying to be good to everyone.. Yes, there is always quotes saying that "You can't satisfy everyone's need, you can't please everyone for everything they want".. yet.. I try my best to serve all my friends as per my family.. Fighting is normal.. Not talking is normal.. At the end, birds of the same feather flocks together..

From Anas bin Malik (may Allah be pleased with him): The Messenger of Allah (Sollallahu alaihi wa sallam) said that, "Do not desert (stop talking to ) one another, do not nurse hatred towards one another, do not be jealous of one another, and become as fellow brothers and slaves of Allah. It is not lawful for a Muslim to stop talking to his brother (Muslim) for more than three days (Hadith Bukhari and Muslim)..

Can't wait for this coming Saturday.. we are going to have our PGA 2016 Get Together.. counting every hour for this gathering.. It has been too long since our last time together.. PGA Family 2016 is one of the best things (can't find the right word) that I will always cherish and love..

Progress, please be on track! It's not over until I win..

Subhanallah.. Alhamdulillah.. Allahuakbar..

It's 11 Ramadhan 1438 H..  

Yesterday received Prof's messages, saying that she already evaluated this semester progress report.. huhuhu.. Feel really sorry for Prof bcoz this semester (actually since last semester), had been in idle mode.. Not much progress done.. 

Dear me.. What happened?? huhu..

Comparing to all other 18 semesters as a student life, this semester was the worst for me.. I had been absent from the conference.. I submitted the grant report's overdue.. I skipped from meeting Prof.. I literally did nothing for this semester.. huhuhuhu..

Get up dear self..!! No more reason.. No more caving alone.. Please no more dear me.. Keep on progressing, be on track so that you can realize what you have been aiming so far..

Now, there is two semesters more.. make it the most productive and progressive semesters.. Only you can change your life, Nazmy Zaki! Dr Nazmy Zaki by next year birthday October 2018.. When my mind can conceive, I can achieve.. I believe I can do it..

In Shaa Allah.. Biiznillah..

'Dr Nazmy Zaki' is the biggest and priceless gift for Abah & Ma.. 

October 2018.. 30 years of being a daughter to both Ma & Abah.. Nothing can I give to payback all the tears, sweats and hardships of grooming me to be your perfect in imperfection daughter.. Wish that this small title will make both of you smile with pride.. Infiniti Terima Kasih Ma & Abah..

#PursuitofHappyness

" The Road Not Taken; Don't Quit! "

Oh my!

It is already in the middle of February 2017..

The very first entry after so many half-way-done trials.. 

Alhamdulillah.. Subhanallah.. Allahuakbar..

May this year will be another great year for My WOW.. 

My World of Wisdom.. 

Starting the very first entry of this year 

by sharing two most inspiring poems for me since ages..

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost 

which I learnt it since secondary school years years ago..

and Don't Quit by Anonymous which I found from 

wish cards that I once gave them for friends in 2012/13..

May at least a sentence from these poems will be your 

Words of Wisdom to keep on moving forward this year..

===== ===== =====

Source: Google 

The Road Not Taken 

by: Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both..

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference..

Don't Quit

by: Anonymous

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won if he'd stuck it out.

Don't give up, though the pace seems slow -

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor's cup,

And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are -

It may be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -

It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

===== ===== =====

Setting my dreams far ahead.. 

2017/18 Aims: PhD, Life Partner and Umrah with Family.. 

If it is meant to be, it surely will be.. 

Biiznillah.. Be grateful servant, be dutiful daughter, be respectful human, 

and just be you Nazmy Zaki..!

For friends and everyone reading this entries..

Do pray for my parents' best of health and cures from all illness..

Wishing you all the best, the greatest health and abundance of joy and wealth too..

Be strong.. be positive.. and always stay motivated..

Everything happens for a reason.. Fa inna ma'al 'usri yusra..

"Indeed, after the hardship comes the ease.." [Al-Qur'an 94:6]

"Sesungguhnya, selepas setiap kesulitan itu pasti disusuli dengan kesenangan.."

...One Day.. Maher Zain.. 

(recently keep on playing this song too much.. even while I'm writing this entry..)