Can I?

Semalam birthday salah seorang sahabat #USMKKJ iaitu Pka Chan. Mesej wish birthday pada Pka dan naiklah nama Si Kechik Waniey i.e., subject of this write up. 

Petang tu bergayutlah aku dan Kechik tentang macam-macam hal, dengan gangguan line telefon yang tenggelam timbul terputus dua tiga kali. 

Antara perkara yang aku laporkan pada Kechik ialah bermulanya aku sebagai kontrak agent Prudential setelah hampir 10 tahun bergelar ejen Takaful Etiqa suatu masa dulu. Aku beritahu Kechik, yang sekarang aku seolah-olah ada sejenis 'ketakutan'. Sebuah ketakutan yang entah macam mana, aku sendiri tak tahu nak terangkan. 

Cuma pesan Kechik, fokus pada apa yang perlu dan mulakan dari apa yang ada. Jika perlu, bincangkan dengan yang pakar nanti. Hurmm..

Dan hari ini, aku terima whatsapp dari adik bertanyakan tentang bilakah tarikh akhir semester ini. Aku snipped gambar kalendar semester depan dan hantar. Hasil akhir perbualan, terhutang budi lagi. 

Hurm... hari ini dah 15.08.2021. Minggu lepas dapat pesanan supervisor, Dr Yudi tentang pembentangan progress pada 28.08.2021 nanti. Hanya sebulan sahaja lepas itu tempoh masa untuk aku siapkan full 1st draft sebelum bermulanya semester baru. 

Can I do it?

Pesan Dr Syed dalam Seminar Penulisan Slot Santai Motivasi Menulis (SSMM 2.0):

"Nothing is impossible to a willing heart!"

Mohon doakan #nazmyzaki jika anda terbaca posting ini. 

"Ya Allah, kurniakanlah Nur Ain Zakiah

ketekunan, kesungguhan dan kekuatan

untuk menamatkan segala apa yang telah dimulakan dan

seterusnya istiqamah meneruskan 

apa yang terbaik bagi mengubah kehidupannya".

..Aaminn Aaminn Ya Rabbal Alamin..

Fighting the Unseen I

Alhamdulillah. Dah seminggu melangkah ke tahun baru. Masih bernafas, masih bergerak, masih tidak putus ruang dan peluang yang dikurniakan Allah walau diri serba hina dan khilaf. 

Sejujurnya, sejak pagi tadi aku terasa ingin menulis posting pertama di My World of Wisdom ini bagi tahun 2021. Tab new post telah aku buka sejak jam 10 pagi tapi sekadar menulis title dan items di sisi kanan sahaja. Kemudian aku memilih untuk menyiapkan tugasan bagi kelas malam ini. Masa terus berlalu dan aku masih belum menaip ayat seterusnya sebagai kandungan first entry tahun ini. 

Sehinggalah ke saat tulisanku ini.. Aku baru sahaja terima khabar duka dari group whatsapp sebelum masuk waktu Zohor tadi.. bahawa salah seorang kawan kami kini sedang dirawat di hospital kerana sedang bertarung dengan penyakit yang dipanggil depression. 

"Ya Allah, kuatkanlah diri sahabat kami. Teguhkan hatinya dan peganglah hatinya. Buat sahabatku, moga kau terus kuat melawan. Jangan pernah merasa kau seorang. Kau punya ramai kawan-kawan dan teman apatah lagi keluarga.. juga anakmu sendiri ternanti-nanti.." 

===

Sedih bila terus-menerus mendengar kisah kawan-kawan yang terpaksa melawan "penyakit tak nampak" ini. Ini bukan kali pertama. Dalam kalangan sahabat, kawan dan teman yang aku ada.. Lebih daripada belas-belas orang yang aku tahu menghadapi penyakit ini. Bukan self-diagnosed, tetapi clinically dan professionally diagnosed. Ada yang dah pulih sepenuhnya, ada yang masih dalam rawatan.. Malah terlalu ramai yang berkongsi rasa dan meluahkan symptoms yang mereka alami, seolah-olah, ya, sedang menghidapi depression. 

Nota dan peringatan: Jangan self-diagnosed..!

Mungkin ramai kawan-kawan yang tidak tahu.. termasuklah diri sendiri ini #nazmyzaki juga telah mengalami dan didiagnosed sebagai pesakit MDD - Major Depression Disorder. Perlu makan anti-depressant pill dan perlu bantuan sleeping pill. Worst case, apa yang aku alami dan hadapi tersebut.. berturut dengan non-stop overthinking, sehingga aku terpaksa pula ambil ubat high blood pressure.  Alhamdulillah dan nauzubillah.. sekarang aku sudah tak bergantung kepada ubat-ubat ini dan semoga aku terus menjadi diri yang fitrah.

Apa yang aku ingin tuliskan di MyWoW bukanlah untuk membuka pekung di dada atau cuba menjadi salah seorang pseudo-psychiatrist. Aku sekadar ingin berkongsi apa, mengapa dan bagaimana.. Panjang dan banyak yang ingin aku kongsikan, namun aku akan cuba make it short.

===

Pen-off. Jam dah hampir 3.30 petang, aku perlu sambung prepare bahan kelas malam ini.

To be continued.

Depresi. Kemurungan. Kecelaruan emosi. Fighting the unseen.

Apa yang perlu anda tahu? 

Complexity of Guilt and Conscience II

Aku tak tipu.. jujur.. tajuk entry ini sebenarnya dari awal tahun lepas aku tulis.. tapi post tak berjaya dipublish sebab tak habis-habis add-on, edit, delete, re-write.. Panjang sangat.. sebab tu aku copy-cut-paste sambungan ke entry ini..

14-15 December 2016.. "You are behaving negatively again. Tak faham attitude awak ni.. Contact me.. Minta call saya.."- Mesej diterima daripada Prof.. kecelaruan dalam diri makin berakar umbi.. makin mencengkam dada.. Banyak tugasan dan tanggungjawab yang diamanahkan tidak dapat diselesaikan..

Tahun 2017.. Banyak kali abah menelefon bertanya adakah aku akan balik ke rumah.. Kalau bukan abah.. adik-adik telefon memberitahu abah bertanyakan tentang diriku.. sebab itulah.. Aku kerap pulang ke rumah.. aku memilih untuk berada di rumah.. aku tak nak menjadikan abah sebagai satu alasan.. tapi memang waktu ini.. kesihatan abah makin merunsingkan.. berat abah turun mendadak.. badan abah seolah-olah tinggal tulang..

Tapi sebaliknya pula.. dari sisi yang lain.. perasaan aku bergelodak dengan rasa bersalah yang teramat sebagai anak murid Prof.. Prof Ishak juga diuji dengan ujian kesakitan.. Prof Hasnah dengan kaki berbalut simen.. dalam cuti sakit kedua-duanya tetap datang ke pejabat meneruskan amanah dan tanggungjawab mereka.. Sungguh aku sayang kedua-duanya.. guru itu ibarat ibu dan ayah.. Tapi aku berasa sungguh kurang ajar dan tak beradab..

"Call me. Contact me. Where are you? Are you okay? Please respond....." dan macam-macam lagi pesanan di terima.. tak terkira missed called yang ada.. bukan saja daripada Prof berdua malah dari mereka-mereka yang aku sangat hargai keprihatinan itu.. Tapi entah kenapa.. Tahap complexity dalam diri makin menjadi-jadi.. yang aku tak dapat nak huraikan.. nak terangkan.. Rasa bersalah membuak-buak.. Aku tahu bahawa aku ada tugas yang perlu diselesaikan, tapi aku tak mampu berlawan dengan tekanan..

Complexity dalam diri di tahap merbahaya aku rasa.. Aku tahu aku salah.. Aku sedar aku mengambil langkah orang yang bodoh sombong. Entah.. macam-macam alasan yang boleh aku ciptakan dan bohongkan.. tapi mujur Allah masih beri kesedaran.. that conscience yang mana "KAU BOLEH CIPTA ALASAN APA JUA KAU SUKA TAPI JANGAN PENIPUAN.." (Bohonglah kalau aku kata aku sentiasa berkata benar dan jujur sepanjang 30 tahun hidup kat atas dunia ni)..

Dan untuk mengelakkan dari itulah.. Waktu itu aku sangat-sangat bersyukur dengan keadaan telefonku yang pecah, rosak, dan tidak dapat berfungsi dengan baik (masih belum berganti sim sehingga hari ini). Bil telefon juga kadang-kadang aku tidak jelaskan dan talian dipotong. Aku memilih untuk berdiam, senyap, mengasingkan diri, beku dengan tidak memberi respon pada semua yang menghubungi aku dalam tempoh aku tidak mampu berada dalam keadaan yang rasional tersebut.. Aku memujuk diri dengan mengatakan itulah antara alasan terbaik yang boleh aku berikan.

Aku berperang dengan segala perasaan.. Kehilangan abah makin dekat dirasakan.. Sebulan.. bulan 4, abah langsung tak dapat bangun.. Kami terpaksa memapah abah ke bilik air.. Abah solat duduk.. dan ada ketika abah menjama'kan solatnya kerana abah pening dan langsung tidak dapat membuka matanya. Bulan puasa, banyak hari abah tak dapat laksanakan kewajipannya.. Raya menjelma.. Sikap pelik abah makin ketara.. Antara yang paling tidak mungkin kulupa.. abah bertanyakan anak-anak muridnya yang datang berziarah tentang status kehidupan mereka samada sudah berpunya..

Abah yang dulunya tegas menyuruh aku memilih antara menyambung pengajian atau perkahwinan.. Abah yang selama bertahun-tahun lamanya sakit, meyuruh aku menghabiskan pengajian dahulu setiap kali kami sekeluarga berbicara soal calon, jodoh dan perkahwinan.. Tapi raya itu, abah bertanya soalan yang sedemikian.. ya aku malu.. tapi aku tak dapat tipu diri sendiri betapa ketakutan akan sebuah kehilangan itu benar-benar makin dekat dirasa.. Abah seolah-olah tahu dia akan pergi meninggalkan aku dan keluarga selama-lamanya.. dan kerana itulah cuba menjodohkan aku dengan anak muridnya.. (Tak apa abah.. damailah abah di sana.. tak mungkin akan ada galang gantinya..)

Di rumah.. berada dekat dengan abah, bagiku adalah pilihan terbaik sebagai seorang anak.. Aku langsung tak menyesal.. lega sebab setiap kali berada di rumah.. abah menggambarkan kegembiraannya.. Julai dan minggu-minggu akhir abah.. Abah menyatakan dia berpuas hati dengan layanan aku, adik beradik sepanjang sakitnya.. moga abah benar-benar redha pada diriku.. melihat tahap diri ketika ini, aku langsung tidak layak ke syurga-Mu.. Tapi sekurang-kurangya.. redha abah menjadi salah satu teket penghalang aku dari terus dihumbankan ke neraka-Mu.. Ya Allah.. Astaghfirullah.. Nauzubillahi min zalik..

Dalam masa yang sama.. rasa bersalah kerana tidak menyiapkan tugasan dan menunaikan janji-janjiku pada Prof berganda-ganda.. Perjalanan PhD ku tergendala. ini tidaklah memberi impak negatif yang besar pada diri.. kerana ini lebih personal.. Tapi apabila memikirkan tugas-tugas yang melibatkan Prof dengan pihak yang lain tidak mampu diselesaikan.. hal ini makin menyesakkan fikiran.. Rasa bersalah kerana disebabkan aku.. Prof dalam kesusahan. Orang lain pun turut sama disusahkan..

Ya.. Aku bukanlah orang yang baik jika bukan Allah melindungi aib-aibku.. Tapi mungkin mereka-mereka yang pernah mengenali aku akan menceritakan satu sikapku yang tidak pernah berubah sejak dari dulu.. iaitu aku yang suka membantu dan menolong orang walaupun dalam keadaan aku sepatutnya lebih memerlukan pertolongan.. Pertolongan yang aku berikan sebaik mungkin aku laksanakan.. Selagi boleh aku buat, akan aku buat..

Tapi tahun lepas adalah tahun penuh kesulitan dan kesukaran.. jujur aku cakap.. kalau aku berada dirumah.. seberat mana pun beg, buku, fail kerja yang aku bawak balik.. sebagaimana itulah asal tempat duduknya sehingga ke saat aku melangkah balik semula ke UMP, disitulah keberadaannya. Laptop? Ya, sekali-sekala dibuka.. bukan aku yang membuat kerja tapi adik bongsuku bermain game.. Jarang teramat jarang aku dapat menyiapkan kerja tertangguh sekiranya berada di rumah..

Bukan tidak sedar ada amanah yang digalas, tapi lemah.. lemas.. seriously.. aku tak mampu melawan nafsu jahat dalam diri di batu api kan pula dengan bisikan assyaitanirrajim.. That little conscience yang ada dalam diri.. that feeling of guilty.. terlalu kompleks untuk diceritakan di sini.. Moga entry yang panjang berkarang dalam sambungan seterusnya menyaksikan noktah akhir bahawa inilah yang berlaku sepanjang tahun lepas.. Aku tak akan, tak mungkin, tak nak ulangi lagi di masa-masa hadapan.

Sekali lagi.. cut and paste to "Complexity of Guilt and Conscience Part III"..

Complexity of Guilt and Conscience

Bismillahhirahmanirrahim.. Alhamdulillah.. 

It has been half month of January. I'm still given another chance by Allah The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.. to breathe the air in this worldly life.. of which I consciously know that Allah is giving another chance for me to lead the rightful path of life. 😔 

Amaran.. 

Entry ini adalah sangat personal dan panjang..! 

Sebagai pedoman aku di masa hadapan.

Entry kali ini aku memilih untuk berbahasa ibunda sebagai keutamaan kerana aku rasa sedikit susah untuk memilih kata-kata yang sesuai dalam English dan terpaksa spend masa yang lama untuk tulis sentences.. Entry ini terkandung kata-kata emosi, kasar dan penuh negativiti.. Dengan harapan, inilah entry terakhir aku menjadi orang yang sedemikian.. kata kawanku.. the Ai Chia.. Tempoh ini adalah tempoh paling WORST aku.. dan ya.. aku mengaku.. 😭😭😭

hurm.. jujur aku cakap.. sebenarnya body text bertajuk "Complexity of Guilt and Conscience" ini telah banyak kali aku tulis, padam, edit, save as draft dari akhir tahun 2016 sampailah ke hari ini belum dapat publish. Aku harap berjayalah aku post entry ini kali ini.. entry pertama di tahun baru ini dengan harapan semoga Resolusi 2018 aku berjaya dicapai dan terlaksana sempurna.. 

Hey diri.! Konon menulis resolusi diri.. kalau engkau masih begini.. tak kan pernah mungkin terjadi.. 

RESOLUSI TINGGAL MIMPI.. RESOLUSI SEKADAR ILUSI..

"Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum itu sehingga mereka mengubah keadaan yang ada pada mereka sendiri.." Ar Rad 11.. 

Aku.. Tahun ini.. dah berusia 30 tahun. 30 tahun bukan lagi generasi belia bak kata YBKJ.. 30 tahun sudah sepatutnya berusia dewasa, yang matang tindak tanduk fikirannya... yang bertanggungjawab terhadap setiap consequence keputusannya... Tapi aku.... hari ini.. saat menulis entry ini.. Aku masih bengong... masih bengong seriously.. Entah yang kesekian kalinya.. aku buat perangai bengong sebegini.. sudah-sudahlah tu Nazmy! Makin tahun makin teruk perangai.. berubahlah!

Dulu masa tahun akhir undergrad di USMKKj 2011, aku berbuat salah pada Dr Norlia dengan ponteng kelas Dr. Aku pun tak tahulah kenapa aku buat perangai macam tu.. Cuma bila sekali Dr tanya pasal aku dekat kawan (masa tu aku tak pakai lagi smartfon atau fon canggih-canggih.. cuma pakai telefon 3310 je).. Aku terus jumpa Dr personally dan mintak maaf (moga Dr dah maafkan dan halalkan).. aku ingat sem akhir nilah zaman gelap, zaman jatuh aku.. rupanya tak.. sekarang makin dahsyat dan menjadi-jadi.. Then.. Dr supervised FYP aku sampai boleh siapkan... Alhamdulillah.. berjaya tamatkan degree.. yang pada waktu itu, yang kukira dah hampir nyawa-nyawa ikan.. sumpah.. Kechik, Nisah, Pika, Koi.. aku rasa mereka inilah yang paling layak menjadi saksi betapa besarnya kemungkinan aku untuk extend study masa tu..

Tahun 2011.. aku balik rumah lepas exam final.. dikejutkan dengan keadaan belakang telinga abah dioperate.. Ya Allah.. tak tahu apa gambaran perasaan masa tu.. kata mereka... tak nak bagitahu aku yang tengah exam.. abah pun sihat macam biasa.. dalam hati, tak tahu betapa banyak aku sumpahseranahkan adik-adik aku sebab tak bagitahu. siyes. Alhamdulillah lepas itu.. abah sihat  tubuh badan walaupun telinga abah sentiasa berdarah dan masih sakit.. Kanser stage 1... In shaa Allah boleh ikhtiar penyembuhannya kata abah.. (dalam entry yang akan datanglah mungkin baru aku ceritakan pelbagai cara, pelbagai ikhtiar, pelbagai jalan yang telah abah ikhtiarkan)..

Berbalik kepada kisah complexity dalam diri.. Mungkin dari sinilah bermulanya fasa denial dalam hidup aku... Aku anak sulung dalam keluarga.. Redha ma dan abah sangat didamba.. aku perlu set satu benchmark untuk adik-adik kata abah.. abah nak aku teruskan pengajian sehingga ke peringkat PhD (Ya.. memang inilah jugak impian aku dari zaman sekolah lagi..) dan itulah cantiknya aturan Allah..

September 2013, berdaftar di GSB USM sebagai pelajar MBA-IB.. sem pertama dan aku telah mohon cuti satu bulan kerana ingin berada di rumah menemani adik-adikku.. Ma dan abah dapat ke Mekah menunaikan haji masa ni.. A year after.. September 2014.. sedikit demi sedikit, complexity dalam diri bertambah hari demi hari.. ketika ini berada jauh dari rumah memenuhi MBA IB qualification iaitu student exchange program di Universitas Gadjah Mada, Indonesia.. dikhabarkan berita ma masuk wad dan abah akan hadir sesi kimoterapi kali pertama pada 13 Oct 2014.. aku tahu keadaan makin serius.. konflik dalam diri makin kritikal.. aku balik ke Malaysia menemani abah, ma dan keluarga untuk sesi kimo abah.. sesi-sesi seterusnya aku tidak mampu menghadirkan diri..

Fahamkah kalian perasaan seorang anak.. yang sangat-sangat mengharapkan untuk sentiasa berada di sisi kedua-dua ma dan abah.. rasa bersalah.. rasa berdosa.. rasa sia-sia... rasa anak yang derhaka sebab saat aku sakit elergik ruam gatal2.. tengah malam buta pun abah dan ma bangun sapu ubat (walaupun umur dah lebih 25 tahun masa tu).. ya.. aku menulis sekarang dengan rasa sebak dan sedih sebab abah dah takde dan aku rasa aku tak da buat apa-apa sangat untuk arwah abah masa abah tanggung sakitnya...

Tahun 2015.. aku dah berada di Malaysia untuk semester akhir.. Masa ini buat project management under Dr Rajendran.. Dr Rajen pun baik sangat-sangat.. Tapi.. aku buat perangai. Aku tak datang jumpa Dr untuk present progress.. masa tu, walaupun aku tak datang jumpa Dr Rajen, disebabkan that little conscience yang aku ada.. aku siapkan kerja sebaik mungkin dan aku update pada Dr melalui emel.. sampai akhirnya aku dapat A untuk project management dan membolehkan aku berijazah dengan anugerah dekan buat pertama kalinya sepanjang bergelar pelajar.. Alhamdulillah.. Terima kasih Dr..

Dan masa MBA inilah aku mengenali Prof Hasnah dan Prof Ishak.. yang aku tak dapat nak describe betapa bertuahnya Allah aturkan pertemuan aku dengan Prof berdua yang sangat-sangat-sangat baik, lemah-lembut, rendah diri.. Dua-dua mereka bergelar Dato' namun tak pernah aku setiap kali bersama mereka sewaktu makan atau dimana-mana membahasakan diri mereka Dato'. Kalau di restoran atau kedai makan.. Hanya kata ganti diri Makcik, Pakcik dan Nak yang digunakan ketika memanggil staf atau pekerja untuk memesan makanan... Tamat pengajian di USM.. aku meminta Prof menulis sedikit kenang-kenangan di buku tesis ku.. Janjiku pada Prof untuk sambung PhD bersamanya..

Aku ada tempoh masa dua bulan berada di rumah.. Aku bukan nak menidakkan takdir.. jauh sekali menyalahkan ketentuan yang Allah dah tetapkan. Aku terima qada' dan qadar-Nya.. Tapi mungkin masa tu aku tak tahu macam mana nak tenteramkan hati.. Sejak sesi kimo abah yang ke-4.. side effectnya dah mula menampakkan kesan.. rupa fizikal abah makin berubah.. aku jadi takut.. aku nak berada di rumah sahaja untuk bersama-sama ma dan abah.. Telefon aku pula bermasalah seolah-olah mengiakan keputusan yang aku buat. Mungkin belum masanya untuk aku sambung PhD.. Tapi Allah sebaik-baik Perancang.

Prof cuba hubungi aku.. K.wati pun cuba hubungi aku.. dan akhirnya aku dimaklumkan Prof bahawa beliau meneruskan khidmat di UMP.. kurang 3 jam perjalanan dari rumahku. Terima kasih Ya Allah.. Engkau permudahkan semuanya. Ma dan abah pun sangat-sangat gembira. Dengan bantuan Prof, aku apply dan diterima sebagai pelajar PhD.. kata Abah, Prof berdua orang-orang baik. Tuntutlah ilmu dan belajarlah dari mereka..

Sebulan dua berstatus baru, aku dikhabarkan berita oleh abah bahawa sebenarnya kanser abah dah berada di stage ke-4.. Lagi.. lagi dan lagi.. perasaan takut itu berganda.. perasaan yang bercampur-aduk bertambah kompleks. Dilema seorang anak ma dan abah yang ingin sentiasa berada dekat dengan keluarganya.. ditambah dilema seorang anak murid yang perlu beradab dan belajar dengan gurunya.. Aku cuba menjadi orang yang terbaik bagi kedua-duanya... Jika di rate kan, mungkin 2015/2016 adalah tempoh paling produktif, paling efektif dan paling efisien aku sepanjang hidup 30 tahun.

Akhir tahun 2016.. Keadaan bingung dan bengong aku makin menyesakkan fikiran.. dan 2017 adalah bagiku tahun penuh kesulitan.. konflik.. dan kesedihan.. (untuk tempoh setahun yang lepas dan sehingga ke hari ini.. aku masih belum betul-betul memposisikan diriku di track yang sepatutnya..) Banyak sangat-sangat berbuat salah dan silap kepada Prof berdua.. Maaf Prof.. benar-benar mohon maafkan diri ini.. Halalkan dan redhakan segala perkongsian ilmu yang lepas, kini dan akan datang..

Panjang sangat.. terpaksa cut and paste ke next entry..

"Complexity of Guilt and Conscience Part II"..

Kind Words Echo

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Finding the mood to continue writing.. But really can't tune in my brain to that so called technical write up, so me trying to write up the new post for My World of Wisdom.. hurm.. what should I write.. Can't figure out the right title or theme yet.. Let's me just write and see what shall I share for MyWow..

Last few days ago, 26 and 27 of July, I had attended the Postgraduate Research Colloquium organized by our faculty.. Faculty of Industrial  Management (FIM).. On day one, the guest speaker, Dr Teo Bee Yap had given a very inspiring talk.. Dr Teo is the Executive Director of Skynet.. He already obtained a PhD and currently is undertaking another doctoral study for Islamic Finance.. He shared his life journey of persevering education to become who he is now.. Too many inspiring words that he shared and among some words of wisdom are:

"Education is life-long journey. It is always part of our life. 

Enhance your value by continuous learning. 

Set the long term goals (3-5 years), set milestones, review the goals weekly. 

Keep challenging yourself..! Don't stay in your comfort zone.

Always feel that you have not achieve something. 

Be "unhappy" with your current achievement. 

Thus, it will force you to keep on learning..

Be expert in area of interest.

Be ready for the opportunity. Keep on doing "research".

The only thing that enable us to achieve everything in our life is:

be willing to change..! and one of the most crucial thing is

know yourself..! Know your own strengths and weaknesses.."

Thank you so much Dr Teo for these words of wisdom.. actually there were many other sessions during the colloquium, but too many to include it here. So maybe in another entry.. For this post, I would like to highlight the theme of "Know Yourself"..

How to know our own self? There are various ways to get to know our self better.. One of the way is to carry out psychology tests.. There are lot of free tests and paid tests that we can take.. It gives us the marks and percentage of which group we are in or what personality type we are, so on and so forth..  Another way is to meet the counselor or psychologist themselves. These professionals study and are being trained specifically to handle "human being". Thus, having an appointment with them will give us direct consultation on who we are and how can we change our self for becoming better..

As for me, I used to have my own style of asking people around me about who am I and what kind of person I am to them.. Since my younger age, I used to keep a "biodata" book which friends and relatives wrote inside it (I still keep them till now).. during my secondary school, as a school prefect, we used to conduct activities and so on. This was the first time ever, when I requested my friends or juniors to write a personal evaluation about me anonymously.. Since then, I used to do it and keep on reviewing the comments.. Some parts I had changed a lot, but some parts are still the common comments I received. Especially on being introvert, timid, shy and nervous person.. Among others are being "stone-heart", strict, fierce, arrogant and so on.. 

The latest comments I received are from this early year when I requested my PGA family and some of new friends at UMP to give their feedback and evaluation about myself. There are few comments that really make my days.. and I keep on reading them occasionally to boost up my self-esteem.. These comments are: 

"For my opinion, you have a very good spirit and your attitude reflects your wonderful personality, and same goes to your skills and capabilities. Honestly, I impressed with your ability to manage all PGA without any conflict with any person among PGA.."

"Perfect, adorable, always a smiley face makes you beautiful. To be honest everything is complete, specially your smile.."

"You are calm and you always smile. You are also cautious and thoughtful.."

"Good in manner, great personality, awesome to be friend with. You are the best in the way you are, keep being yourself.."

😍😍😍 I truly thank you so much Mr@Ms Anonymous for these kind words.. ya.. there are few others more, but these comments are among the most nicest comments I received. Because, it really against what I used to be.. I am totally imperfect and I always pray that I will really become a calm person instead of having nervous breakdown.. Even at the moment, I really have hard time to manage good relationship with others.. 

but really.. kind words echo.. It really makes my day when I feel a little bit stumbled in my journey.. (as of right now..).. Nevertheless, I wish that every people I had encountered with, will encounter and currently engaged with have a slightly positive thought about myself (even just a word). This is because my father always said that if 40 people who are really close to us, keep on saying that we are good and kind people, then, yes, it is a prayer that we are really belong to a group of good and kind people and that we will be one of them.. aminn ya rabbal alamin..

It is almost 3 am.. have to finish my entry write up.. My "lonjakan strategik" report is waiting.. huhuhu.. Just in case, you are reading my personal sharing in My World of Wisdom.. herewith I enclosed the link for you to give your personal evaluation about myself. Feel free to write anything you want coz it really is anonymous.. For your honesty and fair evaluation, I am genuinely thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.. 

👉👉👉"Nazmy's Personal Evaluation"👈👈👈

Recapitulation of My One Year Life

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Finally..

It is already 3rd September, yet, this is the very first entry for the year 2016.. 

One of not so achievable target.. *sigh* 

Life is never so dull for the past previous twelve months.. tonnes of things happened that should be shared and carved in MyWOW.. My World of Wisdom.. I don't wanna miss a single thing.. yet.. it is always overtaken by my not-so-willing-to-write attitude.. What happened my dear self..? #mohonjadirajin boleh..!?

A Quick Recap of My Life..

Sept 07, 2015.. officially registered as a PhD student at Universiti Malaysia Pahang under supervision of the most generous, the most compassionate husband and wife.. Professor Dato' Dr Hasnah Haron and Professor Dato' Dr Ishak Ismail.. whom I have known since furthering my master study at USM three years ago.. So bless to know them and to learn directly from them..

Sept 15, 2015.. around 4:30 pm.. received text through whatsapp from my uncle.. saying that my closest auntie passed away.. Al fatihah for her.. may Allah forgive her and gather her around those good and selected people.. I did face this sad news of the death of my closest ones who were both my grandmothers and cousin in 1999, 2003 and 2006 respectively.. Yet.. I had never been so 'close' to them.. I kept my distance, I recited Qur'an faraway and did not look upon them even when the white kafan was to cover them all up.. despite being called by my mother and relatives.. but for this time.. I was beside arwah Che Yah.. reciting the Qur'an phrases by phrases.. very near and close.. still until the end, I refused to look at Che Yah's face even though people came and opened the cover in front of me.. I am not strong enough.. that's why Ya Allah.. please.. give me enough time with my parents..

Oct 03, 2015.. a memory carved in MyWOW.. thank you Allah.. now.. counting the days for another month.. please Allah.. grant me the chance to be a better me.. hopefully this year is the last year owning the title of 'single and available'.. if I am to live for the following Oct 2017, may You grant me the partner of my life.. (wishing someone to come, greet my parents and promise them that he will take responsibility of me very soon).. Amin ya Allah...

Oct 30, 2015.. I knew it might be the case but trying hard to believe in other way round.. until this day when Abah told us that he is suffering the stage four cancer.. can't say anything more.. but Allah.. please.. please grant him health.. please grant both my parents longer life.. please grant us enough time to be together without regret, without repentant, without feeling remorseful..

Nov 18, 2015.. one of the best milestones ever.. Alhamdulillah.. thank you Allah.. thank you Ma.. thank you Abah.. thank you my families.. thank you my great teachers and lecturers.. thank you all who had made one of my dreams came true.. my convocation day and waiting for the next convocation.. in shaa Allah.. as per doa abah and the wishes in whatsapp group.. same date: "abah bangga dengan anak2 abah.. along sedang buat phd.. angah unimas kepujian.. abg scond class upper uum.. kakak upm klas pertama insyaallah.. mad captain.. ifah n adik pasti oversea.. abah n maa sangat bangga.. teruskan perjuangan.." it's a big responsibility for me.. Doakan along abah.. in shaa Allah.. along akan jaga adik2 seperti yang abah harapkan..

~hadiah untuk ma dan abah..~

Dec 12, 2015.. Guess what else is the most important date other than this is? Happy anniversary Ma, Abah.. 29 years counting.. huhu I could only send a simple wishes on this date last year.. Hopefully, this year 12/12/2016 we can celebrate more.. the 30 years of being together with each other.. having Along and the other six siblings as part of the miraculous moments in both of your life.. Thank You Ma.. Thank You Abah.. Thank you Allah for giving me this family..

Dec 18, 2015.. it is officially announced that I will be leading the UMP Postgraduate Association which never in my life I would dream for it.. yes, I used to be in a student society's, association and student's movement.. I love to organize events and occasions but I really do not prefer to be the main leader.. And during the Gala Night Dinner on this date, I was invited to be on the stage in front of more than 200 staff and postgraduate students as the new appointed president.. Is it hard? Yes, it is.. It is difficult? Yes, it has never been easy.. Yet since then, I get to know lot of people.. I learn lot of things..

Dec 24, 2015.. Again.. received another sad news through whatsapp.. My childhood friend, my dearest friend whom I shared more than half of my life with.. she had loss her father previous day.. My dear friend, we did not meet until now since that news came from you.. we have known each other since 1996 and I treasure you at the most special place deep in my heart.. truly, I am really sorry and I wish I was there.. I love you and will always love you Sahabatku..

Jan 1, 2016.. New year came.. New targets was made on this very first day.. yet, not even one achieved (*sigh*).. Dear Nazmy Zaki.. you have less than four months to clear up at least some of the aims listed in your 2016..

Jan 16, 2016.. it was Abah's 53 years birthday... huhu Along can't give anything except for the prayers.. May Allah keep borrowing this great man in my life and my families.. May Allah grant the cure for all the sickness and illness..

Feb 27, 2016.. Even we are geographically far apart, family will always connected deep in heart.. Thank you ma, thank you abah.. thank you my dear brother for driving them to UMP after long time I could not be at home.. huhu..

Mac 1, 2016.. Received a screen captured photo by my sister.. our dearest uncle put up the comment of his birthday.. so sad, so touched.. Maafkan kami Pok Mat.. huhu... will be more concerned and sensitive in future..

May 11, 2016.. it's our beloved Ma's birthday.. Happy birthday Ma.. I wished I could be home.. luckily.. on May 14, 2016.. Ma, abah, angah and iffah came to UMP.. Happy to treat them to Seoul Garden Mega Mall, Kuantan.. Alhamdulillah.. ma and abah enjoyed a lot.. happy happy happy.. thanks so much Allah.. I wish I can do even more for them..

Jun 4, 2016.. Organizing PGA Interaction Day.. huhu I knew myself is not a good leader.. a lot to improve on.. Even though, it is quite bold of me to say this.. but... I'm glad.. it was successfully executed within very short period of time.. Thank you so much for the great team work and supports by fellow PGA colleagues..

Jun 16, 2016.. passed one of the PhD milestones i.e. proposal defense.. it was tense, it was highly nervous for me since I did not fully prepare.. Alhamdulillah.. it went alright.. huhu but until now I still did not manage to do the correction.. hoho.. will do it soon..

July 6, 2016.. Alhamdulillah.. celebrating Eidul Fitri.. they said it red, we said it maroon.. hehe.. whatever it was, we were happy and enjoyed so much.. Wishing for another year and years coming, may we always be together.. maybe with a new family member.. huhuhu counting days to days.. still waiting for the mysterious figure.. Rabbi yassir wa la tu'asir.. rabbi tamim bilkhair.. amin ya Allah..

~More than Enough~

Aug 16, 2016.. huhu had only short holiday for Hari Raya.. after arriving at UMP for few weeks.. received the news that one of our dearest teachers fall sickness and was admitted at General Hospital, Terengganu.. huhu planned to visit him since Hari Raya.. Allah loves him more.. May Cikgu Salmi Senik rest in peace.. may Allah forgive all his sins.. may Allah grant him the happiness in life hereafter.. He taught me since I was in primary school, SK Tok Jiring.. He taught all of my six siblings.. May Allah pay all his good deeds and his devotion in shaping us into the useful and valuable human resource.. Alfatihah.. Thank you so much Cikgu.. Tenanglah di sana..

Aug 20, 2016.. Congrats my dear sister for your award of "Leftenan Muda".. so proud of you.. since you were little, you had always dreaming of becoming an officer in uniform.. You might has forgotten this, but.. once I did tell you the story about the Palapes.. where you can pursue your passion for both studies and uniformed unit.. Congrats again.. You did the best far above us.. Every semester scored Dean's List and now another one step forward.. Aye aye captain.. You deserve it..

Yet.. on the very same date.. through the photos posted by Ma in our whatsapp group.. I was crying.. I feel so sad to see our father's condition in one of the photos.. He looked so pale.. He looked so sick.. Ya Allah.. please.. please.. grant him good health.. or at least reduce down the suffers he faced..

"Please Allah.. Grant them good health.."

Aug 26, 2016.. very recently.. my dear sister Iffah was warded and had a three hours operation for appendicitis.. alhamdulillah.. she's good now.. huhu I'm sorry my dear sister for not going back home.. can only keep wishing for you.. See you this Eidul Adha.. on 31 Aug.. had a long talk over the phone with her.. Again.. feeling very bad and sad.. huhu.. she said.. Abah told her that he always pray to Allah to keep away the sickness and illness from us and put them on him.. (Y_Y) huhuhu.. "Allahumma firlana zunubana waliwalidina warhamhuma kama rabbayana soghira.."

Sept 3, 2016.. it's today.. and it's my first entry of the year.. recapitulating every thing, yet, not all can be written here.. huhu.. if there is the best answer to this questions: What is the best and greatest thing I wish for? I would say.. Please Allah.. grant me the calm heart and mind.. that's the only one I need..

Dear everyone.. thank you so much for being part of my life.. you had made a title, a chapter, a paragraph, and a note in my story of life.. My World of Wisdom.. Early birthday wishes to myself: "Be a girl with a mind, a woman with attitude and a lady with class.." Thank you so much Prof for the golden advice today.. I'll be a stronger person in shaa Allah.. 

For my dearest friends and families whom I have been treated unfairly, unjustly, cruelly, falsely, harshly.. I am really sorry.. I know I was even worse before and I'm trying hard to bring out only the best and positive in me.. honestly.. I never have bad intention and I wish all of us can reside next to each other in the life hereafter.. together in the heavenly park with The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), his dearest families and 'alim ulama.. Please pray for me so that I can be strong, patience and have a big heart.. 

MBA (International Business) Part IV and FINAL

Alhamdulillah.. Subhanallah.. Allahuakhbar..

Counting days.. 

One month coming will be the third graduation ceremony I will attend.. 

One of the moments that I will cherish in My World of Wisdom.. 

Thank You Allah for the great chance.. 

Thank You to my dearest and loveliest Ma and Abah.. 

Thank You semua adik2 Along.. 

Thank You so much dear Teachers and Lecturers.. 

Thank You to all staff at Graduate School of Business USM.. 

Thank You to all best friends and colleagues..

Gratefully, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart..

Alhamdulillah.. It is the turning point.. I pass with flying colours.. 

Subhanallah.. Astaghfirullah.. 

May this moment of time will be one of the stepping stones 

on the road to be a successful muslimah wal mukminah..

Just a quick recap.. What have I studied in the fourth semester a.k.a final semester? Well, I took two subjects which are:

• Entrepreneurship in Global Business taught by Prof Madya Tn Hj Noor Nasir Kader Ali
• Global Supply Chain Management taught by Dr Suzari Abdul Rahim

On top of that, we are required to complete the Project Management subject and Dr Rajendran Muthuveloo has been my supervisor. I did feel sorry because the result I got is not entirely my efforts. (Y_Y).. seriously.. huhu.. hoping to do much more better in current studies level.. Besides these, I had two subjects transferred from previous exchange student programme during third semester.. Alhamdulillah.. altogether.. I gained the highest CGPA I ever had in my life.. Thank You Allah.. Thank You all..

I still remember years ago when I said I want to further MBA studies.. They said it is one of the most difficult studies programme. Well.. it inspires me so much that by hook or by crook, I must enroll in this programme. As a matter of fact, I did re-write it couple and couple of times in my bucket list.. Alhamdulillah.. Allah grant me the opportunity to be the Master of Business Administration degree holder. Plus.. I'm an MBA International Business graduates.. (^_^) Alhamdulillah.. cannot wait to wear the graduation robe and be on the stage.. 

Some people say that they cannot do something..

Some people say that they are not able to do what they want to do..

Some people say that they cannot change their life conditions..

Some people say that they are not of a useful creation..

Believe me.. 

All those are just nonsense reasons..

Based on groundless reasoning..

Heartless feelings.. Aimless life..

Allah the Almighty has promised us that

"Every hardship comes ease.."

"Every prayer will be answered.."

"Every effort will be rewarded.."

In Shaa Allah.. Put trust in Him.. 

Set our goal of life and our highest ambition..

Start working towards our aims..

F.A.S.T.A.Q.I.M 

It maybe takes longer time.. It may make us cried blood and sweats..

Just BELIEVE IN OUR SELF and OUR CREATOR.. 

He knows best..

"Allahu yassir wa la tu'assir, Rabbi tamim bilkhair.."

Student Dilemma.. To be or not to be?

Beku..

Sepi..

Jari-jemari yang tadinya mengetuk-ngetuk papan kekunci terhenti.. 

Pandangan menerobos skrin laptop di hadapan.. 

Mata tajam memandang tanpa kelip.. 

Gigi diketap rapat.. mulut diam terkunci.. nafas dihembus gaya mengeluh.. berkali-kali.. Lantas.. 

Hela nafas panjang disedut ditarik membenarkan oksigen memenuhi peparu agar otak dapat berfungsi.. 

Moga gelodak perasaan hilang.. agar gelora dijiwa lebih tenang.. 

inhale.. exhale.. inhale.. exhale.. 

Alhamdulillah.. lafaz lega.. rasa lebih segar dan bertenaga.. 

Namun mata masih tertumpu pada skrin laptop dan jari-jemari masih beku di papan kekunci..

Mungkin senaman ringkas membantu?

Lantas tangan dirapat, dikuak, dibawa ke kiri dan kanan berulang kali..

Mulut yang menguap ditutup.. 

Menandakan badan masih kekurangan oksigen.. 

Tenang.. 

Nafas ditarik dalam.. tahan.. hembus.. 

Diulang-ulang tingkah yang sama.. 

Akhirnya rasa mengantuk dan buntu yang tadi mengasak-asak diri berlalu pergi..

Alhamdulillah.. moga kekal bertenaga dan bersemangat!

Pandangan dilontar ke arah tingkap bilik..

Menatap kehijauan bukit..

Udara juga beku, diam tak berketik..

Mana angin? Bayu lembut mungkin.. 

Alangkah indahnya kalau dapat berjungle trekking..

Mandi air terjun yang sejuk dan segar..

Berenang-renang bersenang-lenang menyejukkan fikiran..

Bergelak-ketawa beriang-ria dengan ahli keluarga..

Berkongsi cerita dan duka bersama ayahanda dan bonda..

Makan-makan dengan gembira..

Menonton ceritera-ceritera di kaca televisyen..

Lena nyaman bertemankan mimpi indah..

Berbantal lembut tenggelam berselimut gebu seluruh badan..

Mimpi.. Ya, sekadar mimpi!

Tak mungkin terjadi kerana kini aku di sini..

Di desasiswa universiti.. 

Tatkala ramai orang pulang bercuti..

Aku pula berada di sini.. 

Memuat turun jurnal-jurnal untuk dirujuk..

Mencari-cari bahan sokongan untuk menyiapkan tugasan..

Sepertinya sudah banyak yang kubaca..

Sepertinya sudah hampir penuh kotak ilmu di kepala..

Tapi.. 

Kebuntuan itu tetap melanda..

Mana ilham? Mana buah fikiran? 

Berangankan curahan idea tanpa henti..

Agar jari-jemariku mampu berlari tanpa sepi..

Ya Allah permudahkanlah segalanya..

Bukalah pintu-pintu hikmah-Mu..

Bukalah pintu-pintu rahmat-Mu..

Moga segalanya dapat disempurnakan tepat waktunya..

Moga segalanya dapat diselesaikan dengan jayanya..

...

AGW 625 International Project Management in progress..

TO BE OR NOT TO BE?

I choose the first!

Aku ingin menamatkan segalanya dengan cemerlang gemilang..

Hadiah istimewa untuk ma dan abah serta keluarga yang banyak berkorban..

Ya Allah.. Rabbi yassir wa la tu'assir.. Rabbi tamim bilkhair..

Counting Days.. Welcome A New Me!

Alhamdulillah.. Subhanallah.. Allahuakbar..

#sebarkan bahagia #spreading the happyness..

Thank You Allah.. I'm blessed to be here.. Universitas Gadjah Mada, Yogjakarta, Indonesia.. just answered my last paper two days ago.. and now.. i'm officially finished my student exchange programme as required by Graduate School of Business, Universiti Sains Malaysia.. Exploring other country is really adding value to my world of wisdom.. even Indonesia and Malaysia is sharing almost similar culture, it's totally not same.. Allah The Greatest does mention in the Noble Quran that He creates people of different genders, different nation and tribes so that we could know each other.. Nevertheless, Allah does not care of those difference except people who most deeply conscious of Him..

 #Astaghfirullahal'Azim.. Hopefully, I'm capable to be one of them.. Amin..

At the moment.. counting the days to go back to Malaysia.. "hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri.. masih kupilih negeri sendiri.." Too many big things and even tiny little things that make me want to go back to Malaysia.. if possible, in split second.. huhu.. but there's still one final project I need to accomplish before going back.. my AGW 625 International Project Management.. fuhh.. still in the writing process.. Allah ease all.. Amin.. In shaa Allah.. will finish completing the first part by these ten days.. (-_-) amin amin.. Rabbi yassir wa la tu'assir, rabbi tamim bil khair.. 

Can't wait to proceed other projects.. 1/1/2015 will be the day I'll arrive in Malaysia.. in shaa Allah.. it will also be the day I'm turning over to new leaf.. be a 'new' me of 'same-previous' person.. Ya Allah.. perkenankan doaku dan permudahkan urusanku.. Amin.. to those who are reading this, do pray for me to be firm and adhere to my choice to change into a 'new' me.. 

Some people might say that, what is inside is more important than the outside.. in other words, they see what matter is only faith and believe (iman), the way you dress and express yourself is not much matter.. If we want to change, change from the inside, increase the knowledge and upgrade our iman.. then, we can bring it outside.. To change should not be too drastic.. That's what they say.. There's no right or wrong.. Because I am in the same opinion with Prof Dr Muhaya.. Her tagline in one of the TV program is always "Dunia dalaman kita menentukan dunia luaran kita"..

But.. on the other hand.. I also believe that external factors do play a very important role in order to ensure our steadfastness as well as influencing our resolution to be a better person.. with respect to expressing one self through clothes, I believe that the outside can be the mould or the matrix for defense purpose.. that is to say.. we can be better person when we change our sense of fashion into a more Islamic-approved one.. because it will help to prevent us from doing immoral things.. hence it will be a great reminder to think and act as a noble Muslimah.. so that we can deliver the message of Islam is the way of life.. amin.. in shaa Allah.. it's just  a reciprocal relationship.. outside-inside and inside-outside..

May year 2015 bring the best in me as the starting point to accomplish my mission of life; to be a great, successful muslimah mukminah wal solehah fil dunia wal akhirah.. amin.. in shaa Allah.. re-quote from Zig Ziglar as one of the strengths source ..

In shaa Allah.. #StartNow

Several things to be accomplished in 2015.. Hadiah Along.. English is Fun Module.. Travelogue Jogja.. MBA-IB.. and so on.. so welcome 2015.. good bye 2014.. May Allah ease everything.. mungkin bah besar akhir 2014 bakal digantikan Allah dengan rezeki melimpah ruah di tahun 2015.. amin..

This might be the last entry for 2014... 

Year 2014 is a year full of wisdom and thoughtfulness.. 

Kullu 'am wa nahnu bilkhair.. in shaa Allah.. 

bye UGM.. going back to USM soon.. (^_^)

MBA (International Business) Part III

Alhamdulillah.. Subhanallah.. Allahuakbar..

Just few hours before, I have updated my latest status.. Being an exchange student Universitas Gadjah Mada, Yogjakarta, Indonesia.. for this student exchange programme, we are required to enroll in at least two subjects - a minimum of six credit hours..

Both are free of charge at the moment.. but when we finish our exchange programme, we have to transfer those credits and pay the equivalent price to Bursary Unit, Universiti Sains Malaysia on next semester..

For this semester; current exchange programme.. I am taking two subjects which are

• Business Ethics by Ibu Dewi Haryani Susilastuti.. 
• System and Information Technology by Bpk. Jogiyanto Hartono 

In other words, I only have to attend two classes per week which fall on Wednesday and Thursday evening.. What else I'm doing here? Eating, sleeping, anime-ing.. (^_^)

Well.. actually, there is one most crucial part for this exchange programme.. we have to accomplish a case study or quantitative research.. which is my third registered subject for this semester.. so called

• International Business Project (5 credit hours)

Sad to say, the progress is still less than 10%.. (T_T) haha.. but in shaa Allah.. not going to just loading and buffering from now on.. work in progress soon..

ermm.. Just so you know, few days back.. I received an email from Malaysia Golden Key International Honour Society.. since I did not know anything about it, at first I thought it was a spam.. huhu from googling the website.. I found out.. one of the most shocking news in my life ever.. Alhamdulillah.. never think about having an international recognition membership award for my last semester result.. Alhamdulillah.. Thank you Allah.. hadiah untuk kedua ibu bapaku.. 

Inserting my result above does not mean that I want to show-off.. but I really want to inspire my siblings and all my virtual friends.. in shaa Allah.. we can achieve everything that mind can perceive.. the only limit is our own desire and passion towards it.. Believe in yourself and work on your dream to be true.. I love Pursuit of Happyness movie.. here are the best quotes from Will Smith to his son, Jaden Smith in that truly inspiring movie.. 

Thank You Allah for this great moment.. 

to my beloved readers.. May all your wishes come true... xoxo..

Updating Status

Subhanallah.. Alhamdulillah.. Allahuakbar..

Down Memory Lane.. Aidilfitri 2014.. Setelah lama tidak berkarya.. huhu

kasihan MyWorld of Wisdom.. a little bit dull already.. It's not like there's nothing to write and share, but time sure flies fast and yaa.. most likely I'm not really forcing myself to keep writing and completing even an entry.. that's why, everything goes to the draft and not being published.. (T_T)

Therefore, this entry might not be a short one.. coz I need to cover up my previous chapter of life that is not included yet in My WOW.. hee =)  how shall I start then? throwback kisah raya aidilfitri yang lalu bersempena kedatangan Aidiladha October ini? or updating my latest status? Maybe a little bit here and there.. un-synchronized diary version.. 

First and foremost.. Alhamdulillah.. I had accomplished one item from My Bucket List.. Traveling far from home country and having traveling album.. hoho although not that far, but yes.. I am now not in Malaysia but in Jogjakarta, Indonesia.. our neighbouring country.. Travelogue Jogja is in the process, hoping to publish the very first entry soon.. Why I'm here? as a partial graduation requirement for MBA-IB USM, we need to undergo a student exchange programme.. Alhamdulillah here I am.. 

In the beginning, my friend, K. Suliza and I had chosen University of Western Australia.. We had already received the email for the candidate's confirmation.. due to some reasons, we could not able to go there.. The very first choice turned up to be at Master of Management Faculty, Universitas Gadjah Mada, Yogjakarta. Everything happens for a reason.. "Tidak Allah jadikan sesuatu itu sia-sia.."

Being at Indonesia, the weather and culture are not really different.. The most important thing is I am near to Malaysia, just an hour difference from local time and almost three hours flight to KLIA.. Being near to hometown means near to my parents and family.. Allahu Ya Syafi.. Kurniakan kesihatan yang baik bagi kedua ibu bapaku, kurangkan bebanan mereka dan sembuhkanlah penyakit mereka.. huhu both are not really in good health condition..

Two days before, my mother has been warded due to her asthma problem and not yet discharged from the hospital at the moment.. My father will undergo his first chemotherapy session on 13 October 2014.. He had been diagnosed to have an earbone cancer (if i'm not mistaken).. The doctor said that it is a rare case and supposedly my father should be operated.. Allahdulillah, chemotherapy might be better option than operation.. Allahu Ya Syafi.. Engkaulah Maha Penyembuh, Sembuhkanlah penyakit kedua orang tuaku.. amin.. (T_T)

I'm not at home and I really can't help with anything.. Wish to be there.. huhu.. Ma, Abah.. restui perjalanan ini dan doakan kejayaan buat anakmu.. Thank You Allah for giving me them as the most irreplaceable gifts I ever had..

huhu have many things to write and share.. unfortunately, time is always a jealousy.. Need to meet my lecturer, asking for class excuse on 13 October.. will be back to Malaysia for supporting my family.. The most difficult time for all of us.. Ya Allah.. Allahu Yassir Wa La Tu'assir..  

GSB Open Day

Subhanallah.. Alhamdulillah.. Allahuakbar..

Almost end of April.. Welcome May.. Time sure flies fast.. huhu (T_T)

Just a simple and short entry.. If any of you guys are interested to have further details and would like to pursue your MBA at USM.. there will be GSB (Graduate School of Business) Open Day at USM on 3 May 2014.. Do come.. (^_^) Online Application for September Intake 2014 is opened now until 8 Jun 2014 at http://www.ips.usm.my/ for all coursework and mixed mode courses..

Btw.. for next intake, they won't offer MBA-IB course anymore.. We are the last batch.. Gambatte..

This is map to GSB from Sungai Dua Gate, nearby USM Mosque.. After entering the gate and drive straight, turn right.. Drive straight until first roundabout, take twelve o'clock and you'll be at second roundabout.. Turn to three o'clock and drive onto the hill.. GSB is at the last building at your right hand side before going down the hill.. Hope it's a clear direction.. haha.. 

If you are from Bukit Gambir Gate, nearby USM Outside Hostels - Restu Saujana Tekun.. You can drive straight until you arrive at Y-junction.. Turn right and drive a little bit more and take on your left side.. then just go straight as shown in the map by blue arrows follow by the red arrows..

Just in case you are from mainland and you are entering the gate at Bukit Gelugor area, just drive on to the hill and moving along you'll see USM swimming pool on your left.. Drive until you'll be at the roundabout and just take your turn at your left - nine o'clock.. onto the hill, and you'll find GSB as noted in the map..

Hope you'll find it! 

Escape The Adventures

Alhamdulillah.. Subhanallah.. Allahuakhbar..

It's Saturday and it's a mid semester break.. *Like (^_^).. Before going back to Terengganu, here is the new entry for my journey of life.. My World of Wisdom.. "Escape The Adventures"..
(kind of a long entry..he)

At the moment of writing this.. *Sigh (T_T) huhuhu.. what a night.. being locked out from the room after not-so-difficult-but-cannot-really-answer midterm test.. haha left my key inside the room and my room mate was not in USM.. Luckily, our penggawa (warden?) helped.. Thank You So Much.. Thumbs up.. Very fast..

Back to subject's entry.. ESCAPE THE ADVENTURES..

Last weekend, my friends and I went to Escape at Teluk Bahang, Penang.. We enjoyed being there since morning till evening.. Superb.. Great!!! For me who are always polite and graceful.. haha most said so.. it was truly amazing to challenge myself.. May Allah bless me and my friends with good health and strong-will.. Amin..

Journey to Escape.. We traveled from USM at around 8:30 am in the morning and arrived there around one hour later.. The road is pretty much like a sinusoidal graph; Balik Pulau area.. huhu Alhamdulillah.. thank you Allah for the great moment.. I did not have motion sickness like I usually had.. Just for a quick review for you guys.. what is Escape and where is it.. here's a collage..

There are lot of adventures activities.. We challenge ourselves for Monkey Business, Atan's Leap, Tarzan's Rope, Flying Lemur and Tubby Racer.. Fuhhh.. Please keep a good stamina.. We went there unprepared and we (erk.. maybe just me) were really lack of fitness exercise.. We wore out easily.. Actually, there are three levels at Monkey Business but we only partially finished level two.. huhuhu..

#orangteganuroyakdokcekak#

After a short break with refreshing coconut drinks, we went to Atan's Leap.. It was a FEAR FACTOR.. huhuhu.. since ages, I was ninety nine point nine nine percent will not doing any bungee jumping game.. hard to believe, I was able to jump from Atan's Leap 20 meter above ground level just like that.. How did I feel? Seriously, it was mind blocking.. hahaha mental block.. it kind of feeling like your heart beat stopped for a second or two.. huhuhu.. (T_T) just thinking, what if something happens..? It is a suicide? Nauzubillah.. Don't know whether I able to do it again in future.. *shacking knees..

Then, we went to Tarzan's Rope.. hahaha me not trying this game.. Just watching my friends.. After quite a distance of hiking, we arrived at Flying Lemur's terminal.. (sounds like we were somewhere in airport).. It was my first time ever to do this extreme sport.. Flying Lemur or as known as flying fox.. 160 m across the jungle.. Subhanallah.. It is a breathtaking aerial view.. but it was only a blink of an eye for me to enjoy the scenery since I hardly opened my eyes while flying.. too much fear.. huhu...

Lastly, we went to Tubby Racer.. hahaha also closing my eyes while going down the trail.. very scary for me.. End of the exhilarating day.. Will visit again soon to challenge all not-yet-experienced adventures.. They said the Water Escape is in progress.. cannot wait to try the water confidence.. (^_^)

Till next entry.. Here are the special little gifts for you girls..
Thanks a lot Kak Ulfah, Asiyah, Syaqinah and Yulinda..

"ROAR.. I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath.. Scared to rock the boat and make a mess.. so I sat quietly, agreed politely.. I guess that I forgot I had a choice.." It is GIRLS POWER..

"Like a butterfly.. gracefully but freely fly.."

Blood Type B Personality

Alhamdulillah.. Subhanallah.. Allahuakhbar..

Just few days ago went for blood donation drive organized by Graduate School of Business, USM..

It was my third time already. This time.. 450ml.. (^_^) proud of it ! Well done self..

I am a blood type B person.. and they say type B personality are..?

'TYPE B' (Source: OpenZine)

Blood Type B's often described themselves in ways related to the following characteristics: 
subjective, easygoing, creative, original and flexible. 

In another study, Type B's scored significantly higher on "intuiting," indicating a preference or sixth sense information; and they scored high on the "intuiting/feeling" combination, indicating that they tend to be insightful, mystical, idealistic, creative, globally-oriented, people-oriented and good at imagining. 

They also reported that they learned best through listening, then reflecting on and interpreting what they had observed. Perhaps the nomadic life of the steppes contributed to long hours given over to talk as well as ample time for meditation and reflection. 

Type B's can be very goal-oriented and often complete the ambitious tasks set before them. Outgoing and very charming, you’re good at reading people and providing support. Though critical of appearance (but not your own), you aren’t picky and are unlikely to dwell over the little things. 

Type Bs are impulsive individualists who often create their own path in life. You are very strong and optimistic. B is most compatible with B and AB lovers. 

Blood type B individuals tend to be balanced: thoughtful like A's and yet ambitious like O's. They are empathetic, easily understanding others' points of view, yet often hesitating to challenge or confront. Chameleon-like and flexible, they make good friends. 

Common career choices: cook, hairdresser, military leader, talk show host, and journalist. 


(Source: BeyondHallyu)

Blood type Bs are said to enjoy life and are passionate, wild and active. They can be creative and optimistic and have a ‘let’s go’ attitude. They love animals and are passionate about the people and things that they hold dear. They can have an individual and independent nature and don’t care about what others think of them. They can laugh in failure’s face and have a bright and liberal way of living – however this can cause them to have enemies. They can be impatient and can give up easily. They have often been described as shallow and lazy, self-centred and irresponsible. Men with blood type B aren’t considered good ‘husband material’ as they can be ‘bad boys’ and ‘players’. This makes them desirable to women but only for the short term. Women with blood type B do not share this attribute. Those with blood type B are said to have a strong immune system and do well with dairy.

Extra Readings:

• Eat right for your type (Source: Dadamo)
• Your blood types determines your personality (Source: WakingTimes)

Well.. Everyone is unique in their own ways.. What the most important thing is blood donation.. They say if you donate money, you give food.. but if you donate blood, you give life..